guess who was the best person in the world and got a gym membership, if only for a month, today. yup, that's right, me, because it was pretty cheap and I need something to motivate me and get my ass up in the morning. gogogo me.

 

I found it.

 

 

the park closed early, at 5pm, so we went to a japanese restaurant nearby where they had okonomiyaki (I think I got it right), and man was that delicious! we ate for a long while, until we all were full. then, after some counting of remaining cash, I followed kiro and anna to umeda station, where the sky building is. we rushing around the station to find a department store where you could find a well known rollcake. after some walking around, we finally found the right building and went up to the top, where we had the rollcake. this was apparently some kind of tradition I've never heard of. sky building was basically like namsan tower, they even had the padlocks, but all in gold and red.

 

that was the last night for me in osaka. I went back to the hostel, had a long night's sleep, and managed to find my way to the airport again, without any bigger mishappenings. in the check-in line at the airport I met a swedish guy who was going to seoul to visit his girlfriend, so we chatted a lot of the way back to korea.

 

so that was my first trip to japan. I really enjoyed it, but maybe it's even more obvious to me now that I chose the right country in asia to live. somethig makes sense with korea, something I didn't feel anything of in japanese ground. I might go again, maybe with planned company then.

it was fairly easy finding my way to the hostel. the ticket lady on the train was kind enought to tell me the number of the platform I had to go to to change to the correct line. I think I've discovered that osaka is a pretty small city, everything is pretty close together, so that's convenient. 

I'm all checked in now, I have a nice, warm bed, a few roommates, and maps of the city that the staff lady gave me. I bought sushi at the supermarket, played uno with some australian guys and almost finished the last book in the millennium series! tomorrow I'm probably going to explore some, take my time, go long or far, not sure yet! but now I'm gonna get ready for an early night! 

 

 

a new adventure starts tomorrow at noon. I'm taking my hand carried luggage and going to japan for a few days. to be honest I've never imagined I would ever go there, but thanks to asia's answer to ryan air, a cheap roundtrip later and I'm on my way. I'm heading to osaka, speanding three nights at a hostel and hopefully I'll get my ass to kyoto one of these days. living at hostels has always been an obvious thing for me when it comes to traveling. if I stayed in a hotelroom by myself, I swear I'd never go out to see the city. when I share a room with others, I get the chance to meet new people, tag along on adventures, hear and share stories, make friends. I've had amazing experiences when it comes to hostel-life in the past, crossing my fingers this will be another. I'm bringing my camera too, so please anticipate my hot photographer comeback, ha ha ha. 

 

talk to you in osaka I guess. bai.

 

 

my friend is famous from TV, oh my goooood.

 

wonder what my worries were back then, the final day of school, when everyone would either start university or go live new adventures in the big world after summer was over. I've had my fair share of worries over the passed few years. the biggest one, the one that will never really go away, must be the fear of not being someone. now, there are many way of interpreting that, I'm sure; just in a simple human way, or someone followed by people and looked up upon. I'm not sure with one I would aim at, maybe somewhere in the middle. 

 

I've always loved standing on the stage, and with that I really mean  l o v e d  it. the feeling of being able to move someone's heart gave such an adrenaline rush, like nothing else. I was surrounded by people who had the same passion, who I could create magic with, who I could create some kind of melody with. it's all gone now.

 

for the past 4 years, I haven't felt the same once. it almost makes me cry when I think about it. in school, I felt like I  w a s  someone, I felt like we were capable of doing basically anything together. but you always part, the people you created a melody with has moved on to the next big step in life. I feel, and have felt lost for 4 years now. I have a hard time even humming if there is someone in the same room with me nowadays.

 

I miss it. I miss it so damn much. even though I know I've grown as a person in so many good ways, I feel like I've shrunk in many others. if I stood on a stage now, I would feel small, when I used to feel like I could take up space. I've met so many talented people along the way, that I feel like nothing in comparison. I've met people that has made me feel so good about myself, but also people has in some way managed to stomp on my confidence with all their unintentional might. it's been such a rollercoaster for the past year, emotions going up and down, up and down. 

 

I need to try, I need to get back up on my feet. there are so many things I've felt like I've wanted to do recently; sing, take pictures, work out, do yoga, cook food, things that sorta requiers money in general. but then there's that ounce of motivation that I have to find somewhere as well.

 

everything get better in the end, and if it haven't gotten better, then it's not the end. someone said that, and I guess it's true. 

 

went out walking today, wait for it, WITH my camera, which means I took pictures with something other than my iPhone for a change. I spent 1.20 hours walking up and down namsan, a mountain just by my house. I stopped here and there to take pictures, and I ended up walking 3.13 miles, which a converter told me is around 5 km, and I'm pretty content with that. now we'll see if I actually can get around to editing any of the photos I took in the forest. it's nice being able to walk in nature, even if it's still in the big city. 

 

ps, grace said I should write in english so english it is.