Ijustcan'tgetyououtofmyhead ; -

ibland grubblar jag över var mitt berättande tog vägen.
när jag var yngre så fanns Arona. hon gjorde bokstavligt talat det jag ville göra, sögs in i Tolkiens värld och ändrade på sitt sätt händelseförloppet, även om det fortfarande var samma historia. sedan kom Gwen, som på sitt sätt blev ett utlopp för all min frustration kring kärlek och förälskelser. men för henne blev slutet gott, vilket också gjorde mig hoppfull. historierna gick över till kpop-artister, mynnade sedan ut i bloggande, tills det till slut bara rann ut i sanden.
fyra år har gått sedan jag sist skrev något här. f y r a. under dessa fyra åren har jag lämnat och besökt korea ett x antal gånger, men ändå släppt mitt ankare i Göteborg. jag har en kandidat i engelska under armen, och otaligt många notblad för stämsång. jag vet äntligen att det inte har varit något fel med mig bara för att jag inte känner sexuell attraktion, och börjar peu à peu utforska vad känslor för någon har för påverkan på min själ och kropp. så varför kan jag inte för mitt liv bara sätta mig ner och lätta mitt hjärta såsom jag brukade göra.
jag gömmer mig nog bakom bortförklaringen att jag alltid har möjligheten,
vilket gör risken större att det aldrig kommer bli av.
ändå så känns allting så familjärt med att öppna denna sida, skapa ett nytt inlägg, skriva samman en textrad från en sång jag har i skallen plus ; -, och bara bruka gemener i resten av texten. det är så jag alltid har gjort, sen första inlägget. jag bestämde mig då, som sjuttonåring, att det är såhär jag vill berätta. sjukt konsekvent (lite inkonsekvent första månaden). 
jag har alltid sett mig själv som en väldigt öppen person. jag döljer inte min identitet online, även om min mamma och resten av världen rekommenderar det. jag är oftast lite för godtrogen, även om jag är rätt "street smart". jag tror att jag släpper andra nära inpå. 
men nog har jag allt blivit mer privat med åren. en person som jag tycker väldigt mycket om kallade mig mystisk häromveckan, och jag kunde inte annat än att hålla med. jag framstår nog som mystisk för att jag inte vågar berätta, inte vågar använda den fantastin som jag tror mig ha besuttit. jag intalade mig att körsången funkade som substitut, och även om det har läkt andra sår så är det nog min rädsla för att skriva som bidragit till denna känsla av tomhet som i sin tur misstagits för mystik. 
så det kanske är dags att bara kasta sig ut, utan en tanke på vem som ser.
låt mig sova på saken.
fastforward four years

heymamacita내가아야야야야 ; -

a new month
and a new start I guess.
I'm moving back to korea in 2 weeks, and even though it's only for 3 months this time, it still feels exciting. it's going to be nice coming back to a city I love, meeting people I love, hopefully doing things I love. what also I new is that I'm going to blog somewhere else for a while. I've gotten my own page on hallyu.se and I'm going to write about living my life in korea. it's going to be in swedish this time around. I might pop in here once in a while to update, but we'll see how it'll end up. this blog will always be my baby though~

I'mtitanium ; -

sometimes I really miss club nights with my girls. I've never felt such a freedom going out on the town as I did in seoul. the music just sets you free and no one cares how you move your body. the beat is heavy and usually good. if the week had been full of stress it was a perfect way of getting rid of it all. 
so, long time no blogpost huh. I don't have any reason for not posting, other than being in the present I guess? I've been to stockholm to visit dear friends and to help with an event. I've been to friends' cabins, as well as my dad and his wife's. I've been working, which feels nice. I've lost a very dear person to me; my grandmother. the funeral is next week. as much as it saddens me, she lead the life she wanted, and it all ended on her own terms, I can't be more grateful for that 
until we meet again, may the force be with you.

doyouwannabuildasnowman ; -

I sure have a good-looking baby brother.
in other news, trip to stockholm is booked. see ya july 26th~

icecreamicecream ; -

I just NEED to write about this place quickly. my mom kept nagging and nagging about it, and one warm summer day she decided that we would go there. it's a family in town that has started their own café that focuses mainly on gelato ice cream. they just basically opened up their backyard the public. the atmosphere is great and the ice cream is delicious!

hädanefterskajagvabra ;

amazing weekend, amazing people, amazing music. I guess I can summarize this weekend as; amazing.
thursday was spent in caroline's cabin, by a small lake. we just ate good food, snacks, listened to music, enjoyed the clear chilly weather, and played a fun game of cards.
I spent friday at linn's apartment with her, sofia, dabbe and sara, having a few drinks before going to the festival area to ride some rollercoasters. I  l o v e  rollercoasters~~.
on saturday, my cousin Elin had her "confirmation", which meant going to church for mass, and then to meet the family on my mother's side. it was great seeing them again, and weird at the same time. I still feel like they're small kids, when they're obviously not.
and then the evening came. I met up with Anna at her apartment, she had a fancy hairdo made by her friend, before having a nice dinner and wine on her balcony. amaziiiiiing. then we went to the city centre to see magic happen on stage, thanks to Veronica Maggio. the evening was a bit chilly, but I met a lot of people, danced a lot, enjoyed the bright summer night.
yesterday, my friends and I made TACO GRATIN at sofia's house, and iT WAS AS DELICIOUS AS I REMEMBER IT. she's got an amazin backyard, just by the river, so we could sit there until the late hours, and talk and talk and talk.
today I went with my mom to a flee market, found a vest for like $5, and later in the evening we went to an open exercise group outside. it was nice moving around and now I really feel it in my body. 
tomorrow I'm going to my dad's cabin, but if I'm lucky I'll have time to meet up with a dear friend on the way. cossing my fingers everything will work out. but NOW, I'm hungry, so I'm going to get a late night snack. laterssss.

dukanvälpantamera ; -

h e m m a.
h o m e.
우 리 집.
I am not using the camera of my phone as well as I should, but I will blame that on the jetlag. this midsummer we spent in the windy cold outside, but it was a great reunion, a lot of laughter, stories, music, not as much singing as we'd maybe have liked, but that can be saved until next time. last night, caroline, victor and I drove out to sofia's cabin, a good, adventurous 3 hour drive back and forth. two deers spotted on the road, I have you know. this sense of serenity is something I've missed, when you're so far out from civilization, all you hear is the sounds of the forest and the air is so clean.
I've been home hor 5 days now, and even though I'm happy to be here, meeting old friends and catching up, I can't help but feeling seoul is still the city for me. so, hopefully we can have an amazing summer, with a bit warmer weather, and then I can prepare for going out there again, to chase after my dreams. ah.
blogging feels soso, hence it so rarely happens. I'm hoping for a bit more inspiration.

vadspelardetförjävlaroll ; -

6 more days until I'm on swedish ground again. I've tried to match lunch and dinner schedules the coming days, and even though it's a bit stressful, I'm looking forward to being up and running around this city that I love. if I haven't made plans with YOU yet, you should tell me, and maybe we'll find time for a coffee sometime, hehe.
I never act like it's the last time I'm going to leave here, cause if I know myself correctly, then I'll be back for a trip in a couple of months or so. I think I'll always come back as long as this feeling of being so at home doesn't disappear. I just really long for europe and the swedish summer and family and friends at the moment, so there's honestly not a lot of anxiety lingering in the air. maybe it'll hit me the last minute at the airport next wednesday..
every summer there are two big events happening in my hometown; one is 'trästockfestivalen' ('the woodstock festival' directly translated) which is a free event, and the other is 'stadsfesten' ('the city party') and then there's entry fees. I was thinking if I should go or not. but, veronica maggio is playing on saturday so I basically HAVE TO GO. her music makes me so happy, and whenever I feel a bit homesick, I just play her album and dream away. everything about it reminds me of summer. 
åååhhh längtar så jag sprickeeeeer.
when we met HER (middle) in 2009 at trästockfestivalen. oh we were so young,

mybabydon'tmessaround ; -

b o r a c a y .
so, I had a feeling that I would absolutely love it, but not at all like this. I had seen pictures of white beautiful beaches, and usually pictures lie in some way, but it was exactly like I had pictured it. we spent the whole days by the amazing warm water, having mango drinks and whatnot, feeling the warm breeze, laughing with people we'd just met. 
hostel-life is something that'll always fascinate me. 80% of the time it's a good experience. when I went to japan and stayed at a hostel, there weren't really any people I connected with. at this hostel, the atmosphere was so welcoming, and if you got eyecontact you were basically already friends. at night we would all bring our own drinks to the rooftop, chat and sometimes there was karaoke, sometimes drinking games from australia and sometimes just discussions and listening to stories from around the world. it always amazes me how people can be so fearless and free spirited. even though I've moved to the other side of the world myself, I still live in an enviroment that is very safe and known to me. I leave boracay with a lot of memories stored, a lot of new friends I'll always remember, and a new amazing country discovered. 
now back to real life. I have exactly one month left in korea, and it hasn't really hit me yet. maybe I'm really ready to go home for a while. I keep telling myself that I'm free and have nothing to do, which is probably not true, and there are at least a thousand things I should be doing; like shipping stuff home. 
bah I'm pretty happy with watching the new game of thrones episode when axel gets back from his walk with the dog he's babysitting.

boyI'mfallininlovewithyou ; -

first day in boracay is over and second day started. we spent the day looking around in shops and swimming in the water. soooo niceeeee. that's how I'm gonna explain everything. soooo niceee. we're now sitting at a cafe, having a second breakfast ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ we're gonna head down to white beach after that~ have a nice day! 

didIforgettomention ; -

so, I somehow ended up in Philippines with kim! okay, not somehow, we've planned this trip for about a month, but I haven't really been spazzing about it online. well, now we're here! 

the final destination is boracay island, which I've heard soooooo much about, good things, so I'm excited! our plane arrived late to kalibo last night so we stayed at a hotel nearby that had gotten good reviews. we're probably the only customers, but it's really nice and the staff is super friendly. In about 20 minutes or so we'll head to the bus that'll take us to the cost where we can get a boat to boracay! 

aaaaaahhhh it's so niiiiiiiceeeeeee. 

어버이날 ; -

today is  어버이날  in korea. what is that you ask? if you take the korean word for mother; 머니, and the korean word for father; 아지, and the korean word for day; , you get; 어버. parents' day! pretty logical right?
so today is the day when you are supposed to feel grateful toward your parents (though we could do so all the time (but of course it's case by case)) and bring them carnations and flowers and whatnot. sadly, my parents are on the other side of the world, so all I can give to them today are these words;
mom, dad, I love you both so much. you've both taught me what's important in life, and I treasure every moment I get to speak to you, hear your voices. you're both happy right now, living your lives with someone you love and loves you, and that makes me happy as well. the fact that you both came to visit me in seoul last year means the world to me, and we'll always share these memories together. mamma, pappa, jag älskar er!

첫째론kickdrum,두번째론snaredrum,세번째론hi-hat ; -

so, blogging every day didn't happen. oh well. yesterday, because I had two free tickets, kim and I headed over to everland amusement park, which is about a 40 minute busride from seoul. I've gone there two times before. both times it's been crowded, so we were a bit afraid it was going to be the case again. much to our delight, it wasn't! maybe it was because it was buddah's birthday, but the longest we waited in line was 30 minutes or so, when I've waited over two hours another time.
I looooooove roller coasters, love the feeling you get in your stomach whenever you drop from a high point. thankfully kim does too, so we tried basically everything we could, from the viking to the big t-express, and what I like to call "the spinny thing". there are always seconds of regret though, like when you're going up the steep hill toward the first BIG drop, but all thoughts are suddenly gone in the blink of an eye.
the weather was awesome, and when it started to get a bit chilly we turned back toward seoul again. soooooo happy we decided to go!
kim and I aren't done with adventures yet though,
but more about that in another post!

canyoucomebackhome ; -

blogging on a daily basis are we now? maybe. hanging out with fiona in garosukil, having coffee and ice choco, looking at people, talking about life. just the Saturday afternoon I'm in need of ♥

onetwothree넌나를떠났지만 ; -

wow, I haven't written a word for over two weeks, and there are still some great souls out there who checks in every now and then. the last post was a very serious one, so this post will be a little on the bright side~
the past few weeks have been a bit heavy, with both illness and stress, but with a start of may comes a new sort of a new start for me as well. I am now more free than I've been the past year. the flight home to sweden leaves on june 18th and I intend to enjoy every minute of korea until then.
last weekend, our dear sara came to visit! she's been here a few times now, and she's gotten to know a few of my friends, so it was superfun to get together in a group and for example go for sunday brunch. sara is just one of those people I know I'll have close for the rest of my life, so goodbyes have sort of stopped being tearful, we know we'll see each other again soon anyway.
today, me and my friend mili went to a city in the south of korea, called jeonju, to attend a film festival. it's not a long trip, only for the day, but it's a nice getaway from seoul for a change. we've got tickets for one movie that premiers today, and I'm really excited! after that we have som time to kill before the train goes home again. now I have to move to the cinema where we're gonna get the tickets~

Min profilbild


amanda/amdy/玫瑰, girl, 23, swedish. family, friends, life, conversations, silence, beauty, music, super junior, work, asia, korean, green day and growing up is what everything is about. billie joe is my hero. incredibly donghae-biased. living in Seoul, South Korea at the moment.


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